So damn sad

Friday, July 12, 2002 ~ 11:01 p.m.

I've been contemplating writing this entry on and off - have opened and closed the window - started the first line over and over again, deciding again and again that I would write something here because I'm so tired/sad/incompetent right now but have only just now gotten up the courage to talk about what happened today.

It will stand as a bittersweet memorial forever in my mind - Today was fine at work, fun, and I left, with money in my pocket and looking forward to the evening that Alex and I would have together - we went to the ice cream stop, went to see a shoddy little beauty pageant, which we mostly laughed at, and then went out to eat, then went home - it was fun and I laughed plenty - then mom told me that she had taken one of our dogs, Tootsie, to be put down.

Now, why is that making me so sad, you might ask? Well I've had Tootsie since I was five, for one (I'm almost 17 now), and I got her to soothe the ache of the loss of my dobie bitch that I had since I was an infant. I remember bringing her home, and she sat along the back of the seat of the truck, and puked all over me on the way home. She's never travelled well.. I have so many good memories of that dog, and when I outgrew her, my little sister (now 9), took over the 'master' position of Toots. She's taking it about as hard as I am. I'm just so damn sad - my eyes are sore and swollen from crying, and I just start up every now and again.. Hmph. So damn sad..